I'm not ready!

Despite all the books, websites, and advice, no one can really be prepared for having their first baby. Here are some of the biggest things I was not ready for.

1. Breastfeeding.  It looks so easy, when in fact, in the beginning, it was very hard and extremely painful. My nipples cracked and bled. I wanted to scream every time she latched on. Plus, you're supposed to feed a newborn every 2-3 hours. That's from the start of one feeding to the start of another. That means there's an average of about an hour in between feedings, night and day. Sometimes less. That's not a lot of time for eating, sleeping, bathing... or healing.  I'm really happy I stuck with it - it got a million times better!

2. Lack of sleep.  Everybody knows you don't get enough sleep with a newborn. What I wasn't prepared for was the complete absence of sleep all together. Between the feedings and diaper changes, there wasn't much time for anything else.

3. Recovery.  Recovery from the c-section was long and painful, yes. What I wasn't prepared for was the incessant itching!  It was almost unbearable some days. It was hard not to scratch open those layers of stitches. Of course there was also the 6 weeks of bleeding and the week or so of intense pain, but for some reason those didn't bother me quite as much.

4. Fingernails. Abigail was born with razors on the ends of her tiny fingers, but they were too small and attached to cut. Thankfully I figured out I could file them with an emory board, which worked pretty well. And I thought babies were supposed to be soft all over...

5. Sometimes babies just cry.  I thought if I ran through the list of what could be wrong (hungry? dirty diaper? gassy? tired? gushing with blood?) I would eventually figure it out and make it better.  Not always. Sometimes she just needs to be held, and that's ok.

6. How many diapers she goes through.  Seriously. I haven't actually counted, but it's a lot.  We buy the big boxes of 84, and we'll blow through it in just over a week. I'd also like to include here I wasn't prepared for the blowouts. For a tiny baby, she can produce a lot of poo in one go.  It's loud and squelchy and sometimes it's an epic diaper fail. I still think she's still the cutest thing ever.

7. Not using the nursery.  It was such a high priority before she was born to get the nursery finished.  3 months out we still haven't used it.  I use the glider in there sometimes for feedings, and it's where we keep her mountain of clothes, but that's about it.  She sleeps in our room in a bassinet thing.  I guess eventually she'll "graduate" to the crib, but it's easier this way with breastfeeding. Plus I like having her close.

8. Oh the boogers!  Apparently it's normal for newborns to be congested, which isn't a good thing when they need to breathe through their noses (otherwise it makes eating a real challenge). The nasal suction thingie was probably the best five-finger discount acquired from the hospital. I also never thought I'd be so excited to extract the world's largest booger from the tiny nose of an infant. So satisfying.

9. All the "advice".  Every baby is different, and everyone has their own way of doing things. Yet for some reason people like to volunteer "helpful" tips: Don't eat spicy food, don't eat dairy, don't feed your 2 month old sooner than 4 hours (this one came from a pediatrician who I won't be seeing again), etc.  Of course I value opinions of people who have lots of experience, however I will do what works best for me and my baby, and I don't need to be told what to do. We are finding our own groove and it's working great.

10. How much I love her.  I loved her the second I found out I was pregnant. However, when I look at her, I know it's a different kind of love. Complete and unconditional. It's nothing I've ever felt before. I'm thankful every day for her.